I Do Not Spew Profanities, I Enunciate Them Clearly, Like a F'ing Lady, Funny Novelty Candles for Women, 9 oz Palm Wax Candles


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Eco Friendly

Recycled Packaging

Long Lasting

For those moments when you need to express yourself with elegance and a hint of sass, bring a smile and a sigh of relief this holiday season with a hilariously practical gag gift.

Whether you're on the hunt for the ultimate birthday treat for your ride-or-die bestie, a Christmas delight to surprise your sister, or a heartwarming gesture to show your mom some love, this candle is your all-in-one solution. Even for those office comrades who could use a dash of stress relief in their daily grind, this candle promises to be their trusted companion.

Product Features:

🕯️ Soothing Palm Wax: Hand-poured with love using premium palm wax, this candle burns cleanly and evenly, ensuring hours of peaceful ambiance.

🌈 Dye-Free: Our commitment to eco-friendliness and your well-being means we skip the dyes. The candle's beautiful natural hue complements any decor.

🤣 Funny Yet Functional: It's like a spa day for your senses and your sense of humor.

🎁 Perfect Gift: Whether you're hunting for a gag gift, a birthday surprise, or a unique Christmas present, our candle is a guaranteed hit.

👯 Best Friend & Coworker Approved: Show your BFF or coworker some love with a gift that tells them, "I've got your back, even when life gets salty."

“Honestly.. I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly. Like a FUCKING Lady. Made with Essential Oils of My Last Two Fucks”

★ Our long-lasting non-toxic candles are made with sustainable palm wax and with CA Prop 65 free fragrances and essential oils. The dye free candles come in a cute 9 oz straight sided tumbler jar with black metal lid.

★ Choose Scent: See fragrance descriptions in the photos.

• Apples & Maple Bourbon - Holiday
• Balsam & Cedar - Holiday
• Beachwood
• Bite Me - Black Cherry Soda
• Blueberry Cheesecake
• Butt Naked - best selling fruity candle
• Cowboy - masculine
• Eucalyptus + Spearmint
• Fresh Coffee - Beverages
• Fresh Linen - Best Fresh Clean Scent
• Grapefruit + Mint - Citrus
• Honeysuckle + Jasmine - Floral
• Lavender - Floral
• Sea Salt + Orchid - Floral

• Volume 9 oz
• Size: 2.75 x 2.75 x 3.5"
• Burn Time: 65+ Hours — if properly burned - Don’t blow it out until it’s melted to the edges, and keep the wicks trimmed to 1/4”
• Wick: Cotton, Lead and Zinc Free
• Wax: 100% Palm Wax | Vegan, Non-GMO, Kosher | Made in USA
• Premium Fragrance Oil & Essential Oils
• Dye Free, Gluten Free, Phthalate Free, Non-Toxic, Cruelty Free

Our natural wax doesn’t contain any additives so our candles are “true to scent,” which means our candles don’t have that “other smell” that paraffin and soy candles have. They also burn brighter and hotter, which means the candles will smell stronger and last longer than other natural waxes you can buy.

Palm wax is also the most unique and beautiful wax you will ever use, no other wax leaves crystals on the candles as it cools.

All of our candles are dye free, the various hues will range from pure snow white to a bright sunny yellow depending on the scent you choose.